In lonely mountain ways
of this world's trial and care,
my heart knows naught of fear-scarred days;
the Master's hand is there.
(me and Aubrey; Salar de Uyuni)
My journey may be long,
the pathway rough and steep.
Sufficient for each day my song;
my way the Lord does keep.
(Llama)
And though when evening falls,
stone my pillow shapes,
the vision of our kingdom calls
and here a Bethel makes.
(Eduardo; the terror sleeping in class)
This – I believe - will be my final post before returning home. I have been trying for about the last month to write a good, long, informative update, but here we are, four weeks before my return to the States, and I just don’t think I’m going to be able to wrap up or explain any of those events or ideas that I had hoped too. Can’t do everything. My priorities right now have a lot more to do with getting things here settled and resolved and closed before the moment of leaving. It is already just hard to believe and FEEL that there are only four weeks left (that it can even be counted in mere weeks is surreal), and trying to extend myself beyond necessities is becoming trying. I have been reading suggestions for returning service workers, about how the re-entry in the home country can be even harder than the exit, and how there has to be a grieving period for the life that has been left behind. The anticipation of all of that, combined with the need to enjoy my last moments here is becoming quite stressful. Updating the blog is becoming one of those things that just doesn’t make it on the list of what to do these last weeks. Unfortunately, it has fallen off along with keeping in close contact with people at home – so I apologize to any of you whose e-mails I may not answer over the next month. Tomorrow is the day I start bringing my camera to work everyday, and by Wednesday I hope to have finished all paperwork/file work for my kids. This week is when I start to decide which of my material possessions will say here, and which things I still hope to purchase before leaving: gifts, personal items, recuerdos if you will. Enjoying time and last moments with people and places, saying goodbye to my kids and coworkers, and all of the people that have made this experience special for me. My SALT coordinator – Wendy – and her family are leaving at the end of their 3-year term next Sunday, so this week will also be about spending time with them, and last moments. A friend here – Dovanna – and I have had several tongue in cheek conversations about how we’re going to cry the whole flight home… but that it’s starting to feel like a reality. Which is ironic and painful at the same time. Trying my best to not anticipate too much the pain of leaving sometimes takes more energy than I have. The most painful part is having no idea when I will be able to return again, which is so unlike leaving home. When we left home, we already knew when we would be able to return, but this situation is different. There is no certainty of returning, and there is certainly no likelihood that the place will really be the same. The major part of the environment here has been created by the people, and so many of those key people are leaving, that returning in no way guarantees that anything will be similar. But I remind myself, that at least when you feel strong emotions and connections like this, at least you know you’re living. The things that tug at your heart, sadness of leaving, joy of having experienced, the feeling of missing people, all of these things tell of that we are alive. So, here you have some of my final thoughts, albeit sort of unorganized, and to be honest, very confused. And the pictures are sort of some favorites from the year, and from a trip I took recently – that I hoped to be able to describe a bit… - and the songs are what has been rolling around in my head… I’ll work on a translation for that one….
paz.
Hasta que nos vemos…
(Dovanna, inappropriate MCC conversations...)
Déjame atravesar el viento sin documentos
que lo haré por el tiempo que tuvimos.
Porque no queda salida
porque pareces dormido,
porque buscando tu sonrisa
estaría toda mi vida.
Quiero ser la única que te muerda la boca,
quiero saber que la vida
contigo no va a terminar.
(getting my hair pulled...)
Déjame que te cierre esta
noche los ojos
y mañana vendré
con un cigarro a la cama.
Porque no tengo más intenciones que seguir
bebiendo de esta copa
que no está tan rota.
Quiero ser la única que te muerda la boca,
quiero saber que la vida
contigo no va a terminar.
(me and my pollera)
Porque sí, porque sí,
porque en esta vida
no quiero pasar un día entero
sin ti.
Porque sí, porque sí,
porque mientras espero por ti me muero y
no quiero seguir así.
(sunsets)
Let me cross the wind without documents
Which I would do for the time that we had
Because there’s no exit left
Because you appear to be sleeping
Because I could spend my whole life
Searching for your smile.
I want to be the only one who bites your mouth
I want to know that life with you
Will never end.
(our tour group on the Salar de Uyuni)
Let me close your eyes tonight
I tomorrow I will come to bed with a cigar.
Because I have no more intentions
To continue drinking from this cup
That is not so broken.
I want to be the only one that bites your mouth
I want to know that life with you
Will never end.
(I caught Aubrey sleeping...haha)
Because yes, because yes
Because in this life
I don’t want to spend an entire day
Without you.
Because yes, because yes
Because as I wait for you I die
And I don’t want to go on this way.
(early morning on the 3rd day; -15C outside, 36C in the water)
