quiero saber que la vida contigo no va a terminar

In lonely mountain ways


of this world's trial and care,


my heart knows naught of fear-scarred days;


the Master's hand is there.

(me and Aubrey; Salar de Uyuni)

My journey may be long,


the pathway rough and steep.


Sufficient for each day my song;


my way the Lord does keep.

(Llama)

And though when evening falls,


 stone my pillow shapes,


the vision of our kingdom calls


and here a Bethel makes. 

(Eduardo; the terror sleeping in class)

This – I believe - will be my final post before returning home.  I have been trying for about the last month to write a good, long, informative update, but here we are, four weeks before my return to the States, and I just don’t think I’m going to be able to wrap up or explain any of those events or ideas that I had hoped too.  Can’t do everything.  My priorities right now have a lot more to do with getting things here settled and resolved and closed before the moment of leaving.  It is already just hard to believe and FEEL that there are only four weeks left (that it can even be counted in mere weeks is surreal), and trying to extend myself beyond necessities is becoming trying.  I have been reading suggestions for returning service workers, about how the re-entry in the home country can be even harder than the exit, and how there has to be a grieving period for the life that has been left behind.  The anticipation of all of that, combined with the need to enjoy my last moments here is becoming quite stressful.  Updating the blog is becoming one of those things that just doesn’t make it on the list of what to do these last weeks.  Unfortunately, it has fallen off along with keeping in close contact with people at home – so I apologize to any of you whose e-mails I may not answer over the next month.  Tomorrow is the day I start bringing my camera to work everyday, and by Wednesday I hope to have finished all paperwork/file work for my kids.  This week is when I start to decide which of my material possessions will say here, and which things I still hope to purchase before leaving: gifts, personal items, recuerdos if you will.  Enjoying time and last moments with people and places, saying goodbye to my kids and coworkers, and all of the people that have made this experience special for me.  My SALT coordinator – Wendy – and her family are leaving at the end of their 3-year term next Sunday, so this week will also be about spending time with them, and last moments.  A friend here – Dovanna – and I have had several tongue in cheek conversations about how we’re going to cry the whole flight home… but that it’s starting to feel like a reality.  Which is ironic and painful at the same time.  Trying my best to not anticipate too much the pain of leaving sometimes takes more energy than I have.  The most painful part is having no idea when I will be able to return again, which is so unlike leaving home.  When we left home, we already knew when we would be able to return, but this situation is different.  There is no certainty of returning, and there is certainly no likelihood that the place will really be the same.  The major part of the environment here has been created by the people, and so many of those key people are leaving, that returning in no way guarantees that anything will be similar.  But I remind myself, that at least when you feel strong emotions and connections like this, at least you know you’re living.  The things that tug at your heart, sadness of leaving, joy of having experienced, the feeling of missing people, all of these things tell of that we are alive.  So, here you have some of my final thoughts, albeit sort of unorganized, and to be honest, very confused.  And the pictures are sort of some favorites from the year, and from a trip I took recently – that I hoped to be able to describe a bit… - and the songs are what has been rolling around in my head… I’ll work on a translation for that one….

 

paz.

 

Hasta que nos vemos…

(Dovanna, inappropriate MCC conversations...)

Déjame atravesar el viento sin documentos

que lo haré por el tiempo que tuvimos.

Porque no queda salida

porque pareces dormido,

porque buscando tu sonrisa

estaría toda mi vida.

Quiero ser la única que te muerda la boca,

quiero saber que la vida

contigo no va a terminar.

(getting my hair pulled...)

Déjame que te cierre esta

noche los ojos

y mañana vendré

con un cigarro a la cama. 

Porque no tengo más intenciones que seguir

bebiendo de esta copa

que no está tan rota.

Quiero ser la única que te muerda la boca,

quiero saber que la vida

contigo no va a terminar.

(me and my pollera)

Porque sí, porque sí,

porque en esta vida

no quiero pasar un día entero

sin ti.

Porque sí, porque sí,

porque mientras espero por ti me muero y

no quiero seguir así.

(sunsets)

Let me cross the wind without documents

Which I would do for the time that we had

Because there’s no exit left

Because you appear to be sleeping

Because I could spend my whole life

Searching for your smile. 

I want to be the only one who bites your mouth

I want to know that life with you

Will never end. 

(our tour group on the Salar de Uyuni)

Let me close your eyes tonight

I tomorrow I will come to bed with a cigar.

Because I have no more intentions

To continue drinking from this cup

That is not so broken. 

I want to be the only one that bites your mouth

I want to know that life with you

Will never end. 

(I caught Aubrey sleeping...haha)

Because yes, because yes

Because in this life

I don’t want to spend an entire day

Without you.

Because yes, because yes

Because as I wait for you I die

And I don’t want to go on this way. 

 

(early morning on the 3rd day; -15C outside, 36C in the water)

wait a minute

oook - so I don't know if any of you are up on world news ...or more accurately South American news... but just in case you are... you will know that Bolivia has recently made it into World News - which is funny cause with all the problems that I hear about daily, it's interesting to see what actually puts this place in the news. My rundown of things would look pretty biased, and probably embarrasingly ignorant, so I will direct your attention to more credible sources; though I still suggest swallowing this information with a generous helping of salt.... These issues are so polarizing, and bias can be so obvious on both sides, that you're better off reading everything and then guessing that the truth lies somewhere in the middle of what you read.

To lay the groundwork, on Sunday the department of Santa Cruz had a vote for autonomy - which is not actual secesion, but has more incommon with the rights of states and provinces in the US and Canada. However, it is also - on Santa Cruz's part - an attempt to block Evo Morales's efforts to redistribute land (which here is valuable, vast, and in very few hands) and to nationalize the country's gas. And in my personal opinion, if it's not actual driven by racism, it's certainly presented that way. This is a coin with many sides. Personal opinion: the idea is good, the execution and tone of the whole movement sucks. But on the other side, the opposition to Santa Cruz's bid for autonomy (a.k.a. the Morales government) has not exactly been 100% out there honest and kosher about its actions. It seems to me that no one is really in the right here. Morales' government says that the vote for autonomy is illegal and unconstitutional, but Santa Cruz claims that the constitution is invalid because of the manner in which the Constitutional Assembly was handled last year.... which is also a fault that can be found on both sides. The root of all of this opposition? Gonna go ahead and say it's has little to do with autonomy or land distribution... but that's a personal opinion.

For you viewing pleasure:

I suggest the Democracy Center Blog (http://www.democracyctr.org/blog) - a view from the more Western, Altiplano, side of things, based in Cochabamba - they have some really good continuing coverage on this stuff. Scroll down and read the stuff from earlier last week. It's really the best source I've found for news here.

I would also suggest reading the World News stuff that can be found on sites like Yahoo and MSN or CNN. Most of the news concerning this on an international level is best in Spanish, but that being as it is, I suggest these sources. Still thinking the Democracy Center is everyone's best bet. It will even give some insight into culture and the background that it gives to these events. It does, however, tend to bias a little to the West, though does not leave Morales free from fault, which is a tendency of the Bolivian news that I've read on an international level.

The results of this vote and the divisions and separatism that are creating tension here right now will be seen play out over the next few months, as the federal government and the department of Santa Cruz seem to have come to a bit of a standoff right now, waiting to see what the other will do. It could get interesting. Positive thoughts for a united Bolivia anyone?